Hurt People Really Do Hurt Other People, Are You Caring for Self?

Apr 9, 20207 min read

Updated: Feb 15, 2021

Stop neglecting your peace for other people! It will be the death of you. If you can not do this, you will DIE!

Two fears are controlling the masses at the current moment. One is disguised as a modern-day plague, and the other is fear of self. The latter is doing more damage than the actual corona-virus.

The domestic violence rate has gone up since quarantine began, even an officer responding to a call on domestic violence was shot and killed while on duty, A black woman. The rate of deaths by suicide has also increased across the globe. According to The US News & World reports, it's higher than it's been in two decades.

Without speculation the headlines leave me to believe it's nothing more than the old cliche' "Hurt people will hurt other people". This mandatory lock down is mental prison for many living with unresolved emotional trauma. It appears time alone with oneself is causing more pain and anguish than the threat of catching a highly contagious and potentially fatal virus. People have spent countless days putting the expectations, desires and needs of another before themselves, and the act of caring for self when there is no one around to do it; or no place to escape from doing so.

The dark night of the soul, an extended version. Its the root cause of a lot of turmoil, most do not know how to live with themselves, and every moment they spend confined and deprived of their crutches and enablers, the world as they know it begins to turn upside down.

Many will try to excuse the sudden depressive state of society on the fact that more than 12 million Americans are now unemployed, and unable to support their selves or families. Truth is, we have become a race that has become accustomed to pacifying core issues with superficial validations.

A band-aid for a wound that needs repairing from the inside. The stress of living outside of your means to fill another void, taking on an extended workload to get away from underlying emotional scars and trauma, or the constant need to stay going knowing the moment you're still you'll be bombarded with raw, unfiltered emotions is detrimental to your mental capacity. A sick mind breeds a sick body, unclean health therefore a sick soul. Society was already killing themselves, way before the virus grew rampant. Again, The dark night of the soul. Something every human will experience, it's inevitable.

For centuries society has been avoiding the only thing that matters, self-care and self-love. Without proper love for yourself, there is no way to display it correctly or to acknowledge love in healthy form. While motivations and inspirations are great as needed for encouragement; living your life for anyone other than yourself; isn't actually living at all.

This mentality took away individuality and persuaded many to become the people or things they wanted to be like, instead of providing the influence to be who you are and love yourself without a shadow of a doubt.

When you fuel someone with aspirations to be like someone else, they begin to change who they are to be more like the person they aspire to be. To live in that thought process for a while will start to alter one's perception of self.

What happens then, the person left standing in front of the mirror, is unrecognizable from the outside looking in. Suppressed, and entrapped within, and that in itself imposes a conflict of interest. The only way to conquer it is to travel deep within your subconscious and discover who you were before being instructed or encouraged to become someone else. It's not about your job or title, your status, or financial successes. It's about caring for yourself first to provide space to evolve. When you no longer fiend for superficial validations you spark a light deep down inside of your soul. A spark that will ignite a path of self discovery and admiration.

That is where the journey is, and that is the mission of life. Dive into evolving.

Love one's self well enough to recognize your birthright on this planet and understand that with self-love comes a love for everyone and everything. Only when that happens will the negative perceptions of living change.

Let's talk about how much of your life is ruled by your subconscious thought, according to numerous studies conducted by cognitive neuroscientists, only 5% of of our cognitive activities are conscious, the other 95% is subconscious. In essence, you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts and pure being. Turn that subconscious thought into a self reintroduction and praise session. Get to know what really satisfies your soul's desires and do a whole of that. You can not recognize what you don't know, and living for others is not the way to go. If anything is killed, let it be the old you and your old ways of thinking.

The act of self-care is the most selfishly, selfless act of all time, and justified. The real question is, how can you present yourself to anyone if you have no idea who you indeed are?

Complex right? The confusion simply reiterates how imperative it is for individuality.

Aspire to be non-other than the best version of the person you were yesterday.

I am 35 years old, and I have given a significant part of my life to people who were not deserving of me to do so. Who was more deserving at peace in MY LIFE than I was?

It took me 16 years to learn that I was deserving of a stable, functional life. I wasn't required to repeat the self-destructive steps that my ancestors took that led them to their sad, depressive demise. I was worthy of a more peaceful and fulfilling life and the only person who would provide for me; Was me.

For a very long time, I would "people-please," as long as everyone around me was pleased, I was content. I would be there for everyone I cared about, by any means necessary. I figured being around during times of need was defining of how much I cared for them, regardless of what their need was, I quickly took on their issues as my own. Most times, in exchange for my sanity.

Perhaps my underlying desire to always "feel needed" due to my insecurities played a role in my kindness taken for granted. Still, it didn't matter at that point because I was needed to fix something. That vicious cycle went on for years. I became a mother, and I poured even more of myself into people. Only this time, these people were "mine"; I created them.

The birth of my oldest son was life-changing for me; from the moment he was born, I made it my business to create a perfect life for him. I prepared to keep him safe, nurtured, and loved, and I did that with purpose. I now had a reason to live, and I didn't need to be needed by other people because now someone will need me for the rest of their life. I went on feeling successful for years; I was married and had three more children. How can I start to be unhappy again; I now have FIVE people that need me: my husband and my four children. Things were going well in my business, my family and I were self-sufficient, and we pretty much didn't need for anything. Yet, I was still not at peace. I'm about to turn 30 now. I was now depressed because if I wasn't happy at this point, what had I wasted my years on? I spent 30 of the things on what exactly.

Depression kicked in, Well, "my dark night of the soul" took place and all of those things I had found happiness in started to crack. The foundation that I built peace and happiness was more unstable than ever, and it was falling. Take proper care of yourself, and the strength you need to control your life will be present. Instead, I had no energy for me, and the issues I was facing were consuming the person I was. Regret that I allowed things to get this out of hand when I proclaimed to have had it all together. Attacks came from everywhere. We lost all the vehicles and our homes. My youngest son was having behavioral issues at school, and the streets were threatening my oldest son's life. My marriage was gone entirely, as my husband and I separated, I had two daughters who were watching this all. It was my job to show these little women how to be Queens; how to live a purposeful life. As a mother, I felt like a complete failure.

It's do or die, or life or death. I rather stick with the latter because that's what I called the next phase of my life; In essence, I had to die. Something like death to me I used to know.

That's how Rebirth Of A Queen came about; check it out when you get a chance.

I finally took the time to focus on me, to gather the things required to repair and restore me. I was the head of the machine, and I needed to get us all back on track. I learned what I needed and dismissed what meant me no good. I developed a better way of living, but most importantly, I stopped, and I put me first!

Start living for you. No one should come before you when you are the only person who can live your life. PERIOD.

Everything isn't for us to figure out, and it's not our job to save the world. The only thing we are here to do is learn how to EVOLVE into the incredible beings we're sent here to become. The goals are to rebuild, uplift, and evolve while taking care of yourself. In taking care of you, you will, in essence, show others that they too, can take care of themselves.

#DiveIntoEvolving

#JustAJournalingQueen

#IAmNotABloggerForReal

Here are some resources that may lead you in the right direction; guide you to find what your soul needs.

Music:

Music to Calm the Mind and Stop Thinking | Relaxing Music | Meditation | Reduce stress